This Is Poverty.com - 09 Mar 05

09 Mar 05
Rambo Wears Industrie
Cam

I will firstly start by presuming that you have seen the movie ‘Rambo: First Blood.’ I will secondly presume that you have noticed the trend these days to wear clothing that has been ripped, ground, shredded, torn or distressed in some way, shape or form. I will finally, and perhaps stupidly presume, that you in fact know ‘Rambo’ so well that you remember the scene in such film where Sylvester Stallone (herein referred to as ‘Sly’) wears a wickedly ripped, ground, shredded, torn and distressed wife-beater. I will therefore presume that you put two and two together and realise that fashion of today is merely an attempt to be like the gnarly movie stars of the 1980’s.

Do we wear torn clothing as a means of following the latest trend, or are we subconsciously appealing to our inner Rambo?

The most prolific item of that takes advantage of this latest trend toward ‘pre-destroyed’ clothing is the current range of polo shirts by Australian brand ‘Industrie’. For those of you unfamiliar, these polo shirts feature small cuts on the collar, unfinished edges on the bottom, and incoherent stitching on the chest. Almost inexplicably, they also feature the word ‘Industrie’ printed onto the rear. I can’t be exactly sure what purpose this serves, but one can only presume that it is some sort of indication to the wearer as to the correct orientation such a shirt should be worn. Although it may seem obvious to you which orientation a polo shirt should be worn, someone who buys clothing that is pre-destroyed is clearly in need of a little extra help – And enjoys using pastels.

Now do not claim to be some fashion connoisseur, but for the life of me I cannot think of a logical reason why someone would, in their sanity, want to purchase a brand new item of clothing that was already cut - Unless however, you are some sort of wild pig who wants to ‘update your look’ without seeming out of place in your wild bushland habitat. But from what I know, wild pigs don’t wear clothes – Except for Babe. But come to think of it, Babe wasn’t wild. And didn’t wear clothes either. So at any rate, buying brand new clothes that have already been destroyed is, as a general rule, just plain lunacy – Which only leaves one option.

People who wear pre-destroyed clothing are simply trying to be Sylvester Stallone.

Now, before you scoff at the idea of someone trying to emulate Sly, I must heed you to think about his achievements. He has defeated the World Heavy Weight boxer Apollo Creed, all the while remaining true to his wife, Adrian Adriannn. He has survived a murderous, cliffhanging mountain rampage conducted by none other than John Lithgow. He has defeated Wesley Snipes in a futuristic world – Which means that Sly Stallone is not only awesome, but also has time travelling abilities. And he has also recently released a men’s general interest magazine titled ‘Sly’, that contains no less than 32 photos of himself. And imitation of anyone who has their own magazine cannot be a bad thing.

Sometimes I wonder what apparel John Rambo would have worn had ‘Rambo’ been set in 2004. I guess he would have worn Industrie. Perhaps the incoherent stitching on the chest of the Industrie polo shirts are in fact grenade holders. Which of course are designed to give John quick access to his precious hand grenades, but still not look out of place on the catwalks of Paris. Perhaps the small cuts in the collar are some sort of aerodynamic bevels designed to give John Rambo maximum running velocity. Or perhaps they are actually spy holes that John may ‘peek’ through while his face remains hidden from his deadly jungle foes. Or perhaps it was a perfectly good polo shirt when filming began but was eventually destroyed by the harsh woodland flora - Although this theory does not explain the stitching. Unless of course this was done by a helpful woodland creature, looking to enhance his sewing skills before his big Parisian fashion debut.

At any rate, pre-destroyed clothing is great if the look your going for is Rambo, but bad if you want to look normal – Like Keith Richards, Freddy Mercury, or Boy George. Further, if you’re going to buy pre-destroyed clothing, why spend $70 on it when you can buy perfectly good pre-destroyed clothing at your local $2 Op-Shop. I once saw this awesome pair of tight black jeans with a ‘DB Bitter’ patch on one pocket. Only problem is that they had a massive hole in the crotch. But hey, what does that matter – You were only going to be watching the Warriors game in them.

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