08
June 05
Cutting Criticsm: Blackmail Scandal
Tobias
It was a pretty
average Sunday afternoon for me. I was just sitting around my house, writing
the odd essay, watching the odd utterly atrocious pop-Bollywood movie
based on Jane Austen novels and doing copious amounts of heroin, when
I was given the best gift I have ever recieved - the gift of blackmail.
Now, before I go on, I'd like to say that I think we here at This is Poverty
are a rather benign, unassuming bunch. We're not the type to offend anybody,
unless we thought they were dicks. However, we also know that the only
people who apparently read Canta are those who go through the various
articles looking for something that might be deemed marginally offensive.
In the spirit of that, the This is Poverty Collective fully condones kicking
pregnant women in the stomach. So, when our website (www.thisispoverty.com)
recieved this blackmail threat, which I suppose might be viewed as marginally
threatening, we were understandably quite upset.
01
Jun 05
Alert! Alert! The Music You Like Is Shit
Cam
It has come
to my attention that not only is the current world-wide music scene utter
shit, but that the majority of people like it this way.
Despite this being a very articulate, well-written, and entertaining article,
there are certain people who require its assistance more than others.
In order to rank the level of assistance you require, I have created a
short, but very accurate survey. If you answer ‘Yes’ to any
of the following 3 questions, then you are not only an idiot, but urgently
need ‘Musical Taste Reprogramming’.
Can you hum, sing, describe or identify any song from the musical catalogue
of 50 Cent? Are you aware that ‘Moonshine’ is not only a tasty
beverage, but also the latest hit single from Savage? And most pathetically,
if asked, could you perform the dance steps to the Will Smith mega-hit,
‘Switch’?
25
May 05
Star Wars Holiday Special
Dean
With the recent release of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, the violent anal rape of the Star Wars franchise is at last complete. The classic original trilogy was unparalleled in numerous realms, from its excitement quota, to its visual wizardry quota, to its teddy-bears-having-forest-parties-while-dancing-to-soothing-woowind-music quota. It defeated The Lord of the Rings and The Matrix trilogies easily, seeing as both are both were boring and gay. In fact, The Matrix trilogy was so overpoweringly gay that even the most staunchly heterosexual viewers, such as myself, were turned to the dark side of the avenue that is sexuality. Whenever Keanu Reeves straddled in his tight leather pants to the backdrop of German techno-industrial house music, my nipples stiffened to levels of erectness sharp enough to cut glass, while top scientists concluded that my levels of fabulousness increased by 300%.
22
May 05
Crazy Cartoons
This hilarious cartoon has recently burst onto the 'Thisispoverty' scene. Although not exactly sure what it means, we are sure that it will split your sides - with laughter.
authors
Welcome To thisispoverty.com
Thisispoverty.com
is the only website with articles which seek to expose the truth, all
the while simultaneously seeking to expose your funny bone! Not literally.
Articles range from thoughtful critiques on today's society, to obscenity-laden,
misspelled tirades against women, to the shockingly blatant recruitment
of young Nazi hopefuls!
Cam, Dean & Tobias have been Internationally recognized as the #1
cause of hilarity in the Southern Hemisphere. (Only placing 6th in the
Northern Hemisphere, behind all five members of the Backstreet Boys –
with Nick Carter ranking first)
Note: All Nazi recruitment slogans appearing on
this site are intended purely as a joke. And also to recruit young Nazis.
Authors
Cam
Cam has a rollicking
sense of fun and hilariously little respect for authority. He has been
known to wear Backstreet Boys style 'futuristic jumpsuits', the likes
of which worn are in the 'Larger Than Life' video.
Cons: Wears Backstreet
Boys' Style Futuristic Jumpsuits.
Pros: (none given)
Dean
Dean owns a
black slave who is currently in the Dark Lands being trained as a fighter.
Pros: Has a rudimentary dancing ability.
Cons: His
shockingly albino appearance often has people confusing him with a ghost
- causes problems when these people demand their three wishes.
Personal Quote: "If I had a dollar for
every woman I've beat, I'd have 3 dollars."
Tobias
Tobias
is a hard worker with a heart of gold, but sadly he has a girls' haircut
and sometimes... not often, but sometimes... dresses like a cowgirl fresh
off the ranch. (see above)
Animal Most Resembled: Fierce Lioness
Do I Look Like A Lioness? Yes
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